


When Hell Freezes Over

by o3o_b



Category: RWBY
Genre: Christmas, Comedy, Guess I must be a masochist, I don't know how this story got away on me, M/M, NSFW, Really this was suppose to be a oneshot, Romance, Romantic Comedy, This would have been easier if I had switched Ozpin and Qrow's roles, Who reads tags anyways, i'm terrible with tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 03:13:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o3o_b/pseuds/o3o_b
Summary: All Qrow wanted was to take Ozpin on a winter getaway vacation for the holidays. However, due to a vengeful brother-in-law and a conniving deputy headmistress, this vacation is far from the one in his dreams. Now Qrow must salvage their vacation the best he can and hope that he doesn’t get fired all while dealing with suppressed, mixed feelings about a certain headmaster.





	When Hell Freezes Over

**Author's Note:**

> AN: OMG So this is really late. This was a gift to a certain special someone. Merry Belated Christmas lol *cough cough cry* I'm still not done with this yet, but I figure posting something up now chapter by chapter instead of waiting for the whole thing to be done would be better, so thank you for your patience. I hope everyone's new year is filled with love and happiness. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that you all enjoy. <3

“Tai, I’m going to murder you!!!”  
  
The hysterical laughter coming from the other line did nothing to soothe Qrow’s ever growing temper and even more rising anxiety. The black haired man could feel the pulsing of a vein in his forehead and his right eye twitching as he paced inside the hallway of the hotel.  
  
“You know you deserve it,” Taiyang heartily countered over the line.  
  
“You are an ASS!!!!”  
  
“Takes one to know one,” came a perfectly chipper reply.  
  
“God damnit Tai! What the fuck am I suppose to do!?!?” Qrow spat as he pulled at his hair with his free hand. He could just feel his damn brother-in-law smirking over the phone. Bastard.  
  
“I don’t know? Enjoy your vacation. Like you’re suppose to do? Maybe even hire a call boy? I hear you’ve got quite the selection over there-”  
  
“Oh Gods, you’re impossible!” Qrow yelled, which prompted more evil cackling. He hung up his scroll, cursing.  
  
Qrow sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He supposed on one hand, he had this coming. For years. After all the bullshit he put Taiyang, Summer, and Raven through in their teens (mind you, his sister actually _deserved_ it), he knew it would come back to bite him in the ass one day. But this? This!?!?! Qrow looked at Ozpin. Or well, where Ozpin used to be. Now Ozpin was standing in front of a decently sized store inside the cursed hotel that Taiyang had so graciously booked for them.   
  
_Oh. My. God!!!!  
  
_“Ozpin!” Qrow yelled (not quite the thing to do, yelling at your boss, Qrow knew, but, y’know, _emergencies_ ). He ran over and grabbed Ozpin’s arm, and dragged the white haired man back to the front desk in the hotel lobby.  
  
“…I had no idea-“ Ozpin started, a little flustered.  
  
“Yeah, that love hotels existed in Mantle and could have sex stores in them? Me either.” Qrow spat.  
  
“Actually, I was going to say that they made incredibly long dildos where each side was a head, but you’re not wrong either,” Ozpin replied nonchalantly, and Qrow choked. Qrow choked hard. His brain was going to have to process that statement later, when he wasn’t freaking out so much and his saliva wasn’t trying to kill him.  
  
They were in Mantle. It was three days before Christmas. Qrow had wanted to take Ozpin out on a vacation because Gods knew the guy didn’t take enough time for himself. _Take better care of yourself_ , Oz had drilled into him seeing as Qrow would go into battle without a blink of an eye, not particularly careless but not careful enough, but the older man didn’t seem to take his own advice. It was no wonder his hair was white ( _or maybe he was born that way?)_ in this incarnation, seeing all the stunningly stupid, stressful board meetings he had to attend, students he had to raise, a war he had to win, and thousands of children he had to lose. Qrow just wanted to see Ozpin relax for once. Maybe even have some fun. Ozpin was one of the most important people in Qrow’s life (probably more important than he would like to really think about, but no-no, not going down that dangerous line of thinking), and just seeing the other man smile brought light into his dark world. But Qrow had been super busy with missions from said older man, and had resorted to asking his so-called trusted honorary brother-in-law for help.   
  
He really should have known better.  
  
It was supposed to be a perfect, relaxing vacation. Qrow had imagined a nice, quiet, rustic getaway, with plush carpets, steaming hot pancake breakfasts, and quiet conversations with hot chocolate near a fireplace.  
  
This place was _anything_ but quiet. Driving up to a castle should have been an obvious red flag, but due to the weather and his untimely rare show of optimism, Qrow had given Tai the benefit of a doubt. A gigantic castle shaped hotel sat on top of a hill, looming over the surrounding trees, welcoming its visitors with tall, black iron gates turned pearly white with ice and snow. Christmas music played outside the establishment, and continued all the way into the hotel. There were bright white stark walls and blinding marble flooring whose shine rivaled the newest Atlas tech. Qrow knew a certain white cloaked teammate would have appreciated the sparkling holiday decorations that were adorned everywhere, including hanging from the ceiling. Christmas lights lined the tops of the walls. On the walls hung an array of four foot tall posters showcasing the wide variety of events and services the establishment offered. And at the very center of it all stood a dazzling Christmas tree with all sorts of indecent decorations on it.  
  
“Is that-“  
  
“Don’t look at the Christmas tree, Oz.”  
  
“But it’s-“  
  
“ _Don’t look at the damn Christmas tree, Oz!”_  
  
A very pretty young man with short black hair and brown eyes stood behind the front desk in the lobby. He wore a cute elf costume with a skirt, but instead of an elf hat, stunted reindeer antlers stood on his head like little horns. The glitter on his cheeks stood out against the fluorescent lighting, and a nametag stating ‘Nite’ was pinned to his breast pocket.  
  
“Ah, sirs, you’re back,” he said with a huge smile.  
  
“Yeah,” Qrow fidgeted uncomfortably. “Nite, Are you sure there are no other rooms open?”  
  
“There’s one room with two beds where the person who booked it hasn’t arrived yet. Though, with this weather,” he motioned to the window where an ungodly blizzard outside took place. “I highly doubt they’ll be able to check in on time or even come at all. We won’t be able to transfer you until after eleven PM if they haven’t checked in yet. I’m sorry,” The young man smiled sadly at the obviously distressed Qrow, “But unless you can get to another hotel in this weather, I think you’re stuck with your original booking.” Qrow leaned over and put his elbows on the front desk, covered his face with his hands, and groaned.  
  
“You don’t _understand_. _We’re not together_ ,” Qrow croaked tiredly, his voice cracking just a bit at the end. He briefly looked over his shoulder. Ozpin was sitting on a loveseat in the lobby, reading one of the magazines on the coffee table. Qrow turned back to the receptionist, pulled at his hair and quietly hissed, “He’s my boss. My brother decided to play this trick on us. I just wanted to take him out on a vacation because he never gets out-”  
  
“You took your boss. On vacation. Alone. During Christmas,” Nite deadpanned.  
  
“Because we’re also _friends_ , and _friends_ do that kind of stuff. And I’m pretty much his only close friend, unless you count Glynda, and ain’t she just a bundle of fun? Everyone else had plans, and he’s always overworking himself, so I thought, ‘Hey, since I’m free, why not get him outside for once-”  
  
“And you care about him?”  
  
“Of course! He’s my _friend._ And my _boss_. And I am praying to whatever gods hear me that this goes over _well_ , that we _stay friends_ , and that _I’m not going to get fired._ ”  
  
“Riiiiight,” Nite drawled, leaning a little to look over Qrow’s shoulder, smirked, and turned back to stand up straight and face Qrow. “Welp, Godspeed there good sir. Anyways, since you gave us your number to your scroll earlier, we will call you if and probably when the room is available at eleven this evening, which should be in about three hours. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Qrow shook his head no. “Well then, you’re room number is 666. It’s on the sixth floor. Other than it being one bed, you should be quite happy with it. It’s one of our best suites.” He handed the card key over to Qrow with a smile.  
  
“Heh, Oz guess what room number we-” Qrow turned around to face where Oz had been. Now it was just empty sitting area. “Oz…?” Panic filled Qrow for the umpteenth time that hour. His eyes scanned the perimeter until he saw a familiar mop of white hair attached to a conspicuous green suit. And there Oz was, standing with his suitcase on wheels in one hand, trusty Beacon mug in the other (when did he get that out?), cane tucked under his arm, looking at the many tall posters advertising the hotel’s various attractions. To his left - a hot, young blonde man with a price of six hundred lien a night. To his right, an upcoming theatrical showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (wasn’t that a bit out of season?). And in the center-  
  
“Glory Hole Maze, huh,” Ozpin muttered to himself, contemplating the poster in utmost seriousness as he took a sip of hot chocolate from his mug.  
  
“Oh My God, Ozpin, let’s go!!!!” Qrow rushed and snagged Ozpin’s mug out of his hand, grabbed his arm, and dragged him into the nearest elevator. As they entered the elevator, Qrow spent no time in forcefully shoving his finger into the number six button as Ozpin delicately extracted his beloved mug from Qrow’s iron grip.   
  
As the elevator doors started closing, Ozpin looked at Qrow, who was now running his hand through his hair.   
  
“Qrow,” the older man said gently(cautiously?). Qrow paused his nervous fidgeting and looked up at him.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“What’s a glory hole?” Ozpin lifted his mug to his lips to take another sip as he watched Qrow sputter and choke on his saliva again.  
  
Nite chuckled as the doors finished closing. It had been a long time since there was this much excitement at Mancave Paradise.  
  
  
  
  


 

 

  
“I can’t believe Tai!” Qrow complained he and Ozpin walked down the hallway to Room 666. “Look, Oz, I’m really sorry about all of this. I had no idea that this place was-,” Qrow vaguely gestured with his free hand, “-this place. But as soon as the storm passes tomorrow, we’ll leave, hit the slopes, and get a new place, okay?” They arrived in front of the room, and Qrow fished in his pocket for the card key.  
  
“Qrow, it’s perfectly fine,” Ozpin said gently. There was concern in his voice and yet a cheery smile on his face. “Though, I have to say, I’ve never seen you this flustered before. It’s quite surprising to me, to say the least. Knowing you, I would have expected tons of indecent jokes and taking the situation in stride.” Qrow snorted.  
  
“Yeah, well I guess I was caught a bit off guard. Sorry if I didn’t live up to your expectations. It’s just that…,” Qrow sighed. “I wanted to do something special for you, y’know Oz? Not make this into one big joke. And while it’s so _damn easy_ to make a shit ton of innuendos where most of them would have probably just gone over your head, it just feels too…wrong and uncomfortable in this context.”  
  
_I don’t want you to think that I’m seriously hitting on you._  
  
Qrow slid the card key into the door, and looked up to give Ozpin a lopsided smile. “You know, I may use cheesy pick up lines and terrible passes on just about anyone in just about any context, but I’m pretty sure you’re more important to me than just some one night stand with some strange girl.” Ozpin’s eyes softened as he gave Qrow one of his small, rare smiles back. Not knowing how to react, Qrow turned his head back to the door. “I’m not going to mess up our friendship by being a dick to you on one of the few times you have some time off,” the younger man said with conviction as he opened the door.  
  
“So, hey Oz, I guess we’ll see what’s so great about this sui- Oh fucking holy hell.”   
  
If Qrow had to describe the room in one word, he would have picked Nightmare. Or maybe Hell. Objectively, the word red would have been appropriate. Red carpet, red king size bed with red and pink heart pillows, red curtains, red lamps – the walls might have been white, but Qrow couldn’t even tell with the twirling disco ball. It lit up the whole room in a red glow with thousands of little heart shaped dots in it that he was absolutely _positive_ Summer would have found romantic. One would have thought that the room was set up for Valentine’s Day. Knowing Qrow’s luck and Taiyang’s new penchant for vengeance, that’s exactly what is was.  
  
“I’m going to take a shower,” Ozpin said tersely, as he passed by a gaping Qrow to enter their room. Placing his mug and retracted cane on nightstand near the bed, and then opening up his suitcase, the headmaster of Beacon got out some new clothes and his shampoo, only to look up to see Qrow rifling through the mini fridge.   
  
“Go on ahead,” Qrow called out as he looked at all the options in the fridge. “I don’t need to use the bathroom if that’s what you’re asking." Ozpin quietly sighed through his nose and went into the bathroom.  
  
Qrow flopped on the bed, a bottle of beer in hand, and took several large gulps. Great, Oz hated the room. Qrow had _tried_ to get them another room, but of course, semblance be damned, all the other rooms were taken. Hopefully the double room would open up, but, with Qrow’s track record so far… Shitty room, shitty Taiyang, shitty semblance, and now Ozpin was in a shitty mood. Just fucking peachy.  
  
There were a couple of remote controls on the nightstand near the bed. Qrow grabbed the simpler one and clicked a few buttons, and soon a deep voice came booming out from the surround sound speakers.  
  
“ **Oh baby, yeah…,”** the awful groove music started playing. Qrow cursed and hit a few more buttons, effectively turning off the music and also the disco ball. A couple of clicks later, the room was lit up normally.  
  
Seeing as there was some time to spare, Qrow took the remote to the television. Maybe there was some Christmas shows he could watch to pass the time. That was something of a tradition in the Rose-Xiao Long household. Yang loved Frosty the Snowman, while Ruby loved Santa Claus Is Coming to Town, and Qrow wondered what Christmas movies Ozpin liked. He turned on the TV-  
  
“ **Oh daddy, harder, please-”  
  
**And promptly turned it back off.  
  
“I’m going to need more beer for this,” Qrow muttered to himself as he got up to raid the mini fridge again.  
  
Four bottles of beer and a headache later, Qrow had successfully managed to get the pay-per-view working, now playing _It’s a Wonderful Life_ on the television. He sprawled his legs out on the bed made for two, back sitting up against sickening plush pillows.  
  
“Is everything alright?” Ozpin asked. Qrow turned his head to see the white haired man walking over to him to stand by the edge of the bed. He had changed over from his typical posh green suit and scarf to a plain black polo shirt with a worn, dark green pull over sweater and slimming black jeans. Cross pinned to his collar, and still wearing his dress shoes, Ozpin was still as beautifully elegant as ever despite his well concealed awkwardness to sit on the bed next to Qrow.  
  
“Yeah. Everything is fine.”  
  
“I thought I heard yelling while I was in the shower.”  
  
“That was the TV.”  
  
“You were cursing pretty badly.”  
  
“It was being difficult.”  
  
“I thought I heard someone crying out.”  
  
“That was the TV – oh wait, that coulda been me too. Hey, you like this show?” Qrow motioned at the show with his fifth beer. Ozpin’s eyes softened as he watched what was playing.  
  
“Ah yes _. It’s a Wonderful Life_. It…has a special place in my heart.” Ozpin’s mouth tightened just a little bit around the edges. Qrow’s eyes narrowed.  
  
“You don’t seem happy about it.”  
  
Ozpin sighed, a rare show of weakness. “The idea of a man trying to do what is right, only to feel that he is at fault for harming the ones he’s been charged to love, guide, and protect…In his mind, he has failed miserably. He wishes for death, only to be persuaded otherwise, going on a journey and understanding that everyone _is_ better for having him around…That movie,” Ozpin paused, struggling, “It can instill such hope and love within its audience, and yet sometimes…” Ozpin looked to the ground. Qrow sighed. Yep, semblance be damned.  
  
“Well, I’m glad you’re still around and kicking,” Qrow said. Ozpin looked up at him and smiled.  
  
“Likewise, my old friend.”  
  
“Hey!” Qrow leaned forward to give Ozpin a glare. “I am _not_ old!” Ozpin chuckled and the tightness that had been growing in Qrow’s chest had now transformed into a slightly concerning, lighthearted tickle.  
  
“Hey, Oz. We got a couple of hours to kill before we know if we get the other room or not. Wanna grab some dinner from the restaurant downstairs? I’m staaaarving.” Qrow said as he raised his arms, and fell over on one side.  
  
Ozpin chuckled some more at his antics. “Very well,” he replied, his eyes twinkling delightfully.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
   
  
  
In hindsight, room service probably would have been the better option. But Qrow was extremely hungry and wanted a real meal. It had been seven hours since he last ate (stale airplane pretzels did _not_ count), and seeing as the waiter had taken their order twenty minutes ago, Qrow was expecting to see his nice big, juicy steak any minute now.   
  
What he was not expecting was a Saturday night live strip show to start on stage.   
  
Qrow had to give props to Tai. The man really did go all out. Nice big fancy castle hotel. Well stocked mini-fridge. Fucking disco ball in the ceiling, for real? And their dining room was so huge that a large stage with red drapes took up one wall. Qrow assumed it was for some of the theatrical showings that the hotel had from time to time. Like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Not-  
  
“ **Hey _boys_** ,” came a deep, yet feminine, sultry voice over the mic, “ **Santa’s come to town, and he hears that some of you have been _naughty…_** _”_

That.  
  
Cheers and whistles came from the dining area as a well muscled man on stage started taking off a red Santa jacket to reveal his six pack and chiseled arms. Not that Qrow would know. He was politely looking away, fiddling with his napkin. He looked up to take a glance at Ozpin, who was regarding him with a serious expression, examining Qrow just like he used to when Qrow had been attending Beacon as a student.  
  
“Qrow, are you alright?”  
  
_Any minute now.  
  
_“I’m fine, Oz. Just hungry.” Qrow picked up his whiskey and took a sip-  
  
“Hello there, handsome. So have you two been naughty or nice?”  
  
And promptly spit it back into his glass. Qrow looked up to see sexy ole Saint Nick standing right next to him with a small, red velvet sack over his shoulder. The younger man winked at Qrow, who was currently trying to move his jaw, but no noise was coming out. Ozpin decided to take pity on his subordinate and answer for them.  
  
“Very naughty, I assure you. A few months ago, he decided to disobey my direct orders, which resulted in him getting roughed up. I even had to confine him to his room afterwards. The poor man couldn’t walk for days. It was a complete mess.”  
  
_Oz…..Nooo…._  
  
“I see,” Daddy Santa’s eyes twinkled with amusement. “Well, since you’ve been blessed with the luck of sitting at the winning table, you each get a free gift and a dance with yours truly,” he smiled and winked at them. Qrow, absolutely mortified, could have died right there on the spot.   
  
“Winning table?” Qrow asked faintly.   
  
The Santa grinned, “Yeah, table 17. The MC just called it out.” He motioned to the number XVII engraved on edge of the table. _Gods, this is enough_ , Qrow dimly thought. _I lived a good life. You can take me anytime now_. Six Pack Santa started to pull out a couple of gifts from his bag. He handed a gift over to Ozpin first.  
  
“Oh my. Qrow, look. It’s that dildo I saw earlier today. How interesting…”  
  
Santa placed the second gift on the dinner table in front of Qrow when he realized that the black hair man was just in too much shock to accept it graciously.   
  
“You’re gonna need that,” the stripper teased, smug smile in place. Qrow managed to glance down at the present on the table. A huge bottle of tingly, peppermint lube. Well, with Qrow’s nightly extracurricular activities with strangers during missions, it certainly would not go to waste, but not in the way Mr. Claus thought.  
  
Qrow barely registered Ozpin and Santa talking a little more, and then the latter was leaving with a little wave and going back on stage.   
  
“Oz,” Qrow hissed, “What the hell was that?” Ozpin looked up at him, surprise written all over his face.   
  
“Whatever do you mean Qrow?” the white haired man blinked ignorantly, blissfully oblivious to what had just transpired. “I only answered the man’s question about your latest mission in Gulch.” Ozpin searched Qrow’s eyes, trying to understand the cause of Qrow’s distress. “You really should have taken it easy and rested, or I wouldn’t have had to detain you so that you could properly heal.”  
  
“Do you even- Oh, of course not. Forget it,” Qrow got up from his chair and Ozpin frowned. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  


Qrow splashed water on his face. The cool sensation was refreshing and felt heavenly on his pounding forehead. Well, at least Oz didn’t seem to be having a bad time here, but damn. Qrow would have to explain it to the older man later. As Qrow left the public bathroom, he passed by the receptionist desk.  
  
“Ah, Mr. Branwen,” came Nite’s pleasant voice, “I was just about to call you.” Qrow looked over to see Nite beaming at him from behind the desk, the sparkles on his cheeks bright. “Room 13 has just opened. You and your friend can switch rooms now.” Qrow grinned wildly, and Nite blushed.  
  
“Awesome. Thanks a lot, Nite.” Qrow replied, the weight on his shoulders lessened. Oz was going to be so happy. Everything was coming into place now. No crazy one bedroom room. Dinner should be out by now. He walked back into the dining room, a small spring in his step, only for his heart to plummet.

  
Next to Ozpin at their dining table for two, sat another man. He had short caramel colored hair and bright diamond stud earrings which glinted every time he shook his head and laughed at whatever Ozpin was saying. Adorned in a skimpy Mrs. Claus outfit with short black high heel boots that should have illegal for any man to wear, his long hairless legs shone bright under the lights of the room. His skirt was incredibly short, and while Qrow really didn’t get what the point of a corset on a guy was, what Qrow really didn’t like was how close he was to Ozpin. They were sitting right next to each other, with Mrs. (?) Claus, sitting on a backwards turned chair, arms resting on the top of the back end. Ozpin said something, and then Mrs. Claus laughed _again_. He stopped and gave Ozpin a sultry smile. Then, touching Ozpin’s lower leg with the toe of his boot, the stripper began to stroke Ozpin’s right leg, moving his foot slowly up to reach Ozpin’s outer thigh. Qrow stomped over, grabbed another chair from a nearby table, and unceremoniously dumped himself into his chair right to Ozpin. Ozpin looked over at him and smiled.  
  
“Ah, Qrow, you’re back. Qrow this is Robin. Robin, this is Qrow. We were just talking about the origins of this establishment.”   
  
“Hello there, Qrow,” Robin drawled, a lecherous smirk on his face. “Ozpin’s told me all about you.” Qrow scowled.   
  
“Don’t you have somewhere to be, kid?” he growled. Robin’s smile got wider.  
  
“Why, yes I do,” the brunette replied nonchalantly, as he got up from his chair. “I’d love to talk with you wonderful gentlemen some more, but I’m up to dance next in a couple of minutes. Please remember what I said, Ozpin. Two birds with one stone, yeah?” He winked suggestively at the oblivious headmaster and turned to Qrow, whispering, “I don’t mind sharing, if you know what I mean.” The young stripper jerked his head in direction of Ozpin. Or perhaps, more exactly, Ozpin’s new gift.   
  
“Waiter!!!” Qrow waved down a worker after gulping down the last of his whiskey. “We’d like some take out boxes!”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Gods, that was delicious,” Qrow patted his stomach as he laid sprawled out on his full size bed. He placed his dirty styrofoam box and plastic silverware on the nightstand between the two beds. “This place may be crazy, but they sure know how to make a good steak.” Ozpin hummed in agreement.  
  
“I fully agree. Their food is exceptional, and I must say, their establishment quite something else.” Qrow snorted.   
  
“You think?” he replied sarcastically. Ozpin gave him one of _those_ looks, and went on.  
  
“Robin was kind enough to tell me all about Mancave Paradise-” Qrow choked at the name, “and how the hotel started as a creative oasis in the midst of a discriminatory country. Mantle is quite technologically advanced, but as we all know, quite behind on the times as far as socially acceptable norms go. It’s not just faunus that they seem to look down on – self-expression is also a challenge that many citizens here face. Careers in technology, mathematics, and science, with a great sense of seriousness and by-the-book mentality- those are the marks of a great citizen here. Self expression, such as dance, painting, poetry, and free thinking is not only secondary, but even looked down upon,” Ozpin looked at Qrow pointedly. “Even one’s sexuality outside of a man-woman relationship or gender identity outside of the traditional binary system is considered a deviation from how they feel a perfect, high class society should function. It is not only discouraged, but also discriminated against,” The older man smiled sadly. “How ironic is it that a country so intellectual, so advanced in technology, could also be so stunted in the most basic human needs and conditions?”  
  
“I don’t know Oz,” Qrow replied, getting some more alcohol from the mini fridge. “There’s a reason I live in Vale.” Ozpin hummed thoughtfully.  
  
As Qrow grabbed a beer from the mini fridge and turned around, he _jolted_. Ozpin had already taken off his sweater and was now taking off his polo shirt. The older man’s well toned stomach rippled as he pulled the shirt over his arms, above his head. _Shit, shit, shit shit shitshitshit_ , Qrow internally cursed, his mind going into overdrive, and he gulped. _It’s just another man’s abs, Qrow. Not a big deal_ , he tried to tell himself, but it was _Ozpin’s abs_ , and Qrow's face was still heating up. _Maybe a little fresh air would help_ , he thought, desperate to cool his quickly developing red skin. Qrow turned around and went over to the casement window next to the mini fridge, and started turning the window crank.  
  
_Snap!  
  
Fuck! _Qrow just stared at the broken lever in his hand. Now he had problems. It wasn’t just the lever that was a problem. Qrow was pretty sure part of his brain had broke with it. There was only so much the poor bird man could take in one day. On the bright side, due to the horror of the situation, the redness in his cheeks had died down.  
  
“Is everything okay?” Qrow turned around, only to see Ozpin, _with his shirt still off_ , now with sweat pants that hung dangerously low on his smooth, porcelain hip bones.   
  
_Welcome back, blood rushing to my head. At least it’s not rushing to – ah fuck. Jesus fucking Christ. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it -_  
  
Ozpin looked at the lever in Qrow’s hand, and then looked up at Qrow, with concern in his eyes, once again totally ignorant of Qrow’s biggest dilemma (thank the Gods).  
  
“Ah, well, I don’t think they’ll be able to fix it at this time of night. I think we’ll be fine,” Ozpin said as gently as he could, giving an encouraging smile to Qrow.   
  
“I’m going to take a shower,” Qrow rushed into the bathroom passed Ozpin, as Ozpin frowned slightly.   
  
_As if this vacation could get any worse._  
  
When Qrow finished his shower, he noticed that Ozpin had stuck one of the larger pillows in the window. The room seemed a bit chilly, but Qrow couldn’t really tell, as he had just come out of a cold shower. Ozpin was now fully dressed in his sweats, and turned to Qrow with a smile.   
  
“Are you warm enough?” the older man asked him. “I turned up the heat.”   
  
“I’m fine, Oz.” The headmaster seemed to relax more at that, and then went to get the remote control. Qrow’s eyes widened.  
  
“Ozpin, nooo!!!” _Click._  
  
**“Deeper-”  
**  
Click.  
  
**“So big-”**  
  
Click  
  
**“Nurse, right there-”**  
  
Click  
  
**“Fucking slut-”**  
  
Click.  
  
“Is there anything on here besides sex?” Ozpin asked outloud, with a tinge of annoyance in his voice, as Qrow groaned in his hands. “How did you manage to get that Christmas movie on earlier?”  
  
“Pay-per-view.”  
  
“You’ve got to be joking.”  
  
“I know right? Lame.”  
  
As Qrow got up to get another beer from the mini fridge, that’s when he heard it. He stopped, and looked over to the TV. It was turned off, and Ozpin was reading one of his books that he had brought with him. Qrow bent down to look in the fridge, and that’s when he thought he heard it again.  
  
“Oz, do you hear-”  
  
A loud, long, unmistakable moan was heard coming from the window. Ozpin looked over at Qrow, who just stared back with wide eyes. Another moan echoed into their room once more. And then the rhythmic banging began.  
  
“Oh. My. _God!!!_ ” Qrow pulled out the pillow from the window. A hard cold gust of air rushed in, buffeting against Qrow, causing his hair to whiplash back. “Quiet down over there!” he hollared out the window. The wind roared back, as if in rebellion, and the only other responses he got were little yelps, more moaning, and definitely more rhythmic sounds of wood hitting the walls.  
  
“Would… you like to switch back to the other room?” Ozpin cautiously asked. Qrow groaned, cradling his head in his hands once again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Qrow finished swishing mouthwash and spit it into the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror.   
  
“You can do this,” he told his reflection, who looked back at him dubiously, his hair a mess and his face quite a sickening pale color. Qrow cringed.   
  
Walking over to the large king size bed, Qrow pulled back the thick red covers and got in. Ozpin was already underneath the sheets, eyes closed, and laying on one side. Their backs faced each other, and Qrow steadily counted his breath. He hadn’t been this uncomfortable since he had to share a blanket with Summer during their second year at Beacon. At least it wasn’t as bad as it was back then. A mission in Vacuo gone wrong with half their team and even more of their supplies missing. Somehow Qrow and Summer had ended up bunking out together in a cave. It was cold and hard, and Summer smiled at him, always caring, always accepting, offering to share the one thin blanket they had for the night. Ever since Team STRQ got together, Summer had always been the strong, stable, positive force in their team – in Qrow’s life. Always.  
  
Always, until she wasn’t anymore.  
  
“Hey Oz,” Qrow whispered, back still turned away from Ozpin.  
  
“Yes?” came a gentle reply.  
  
“I…I’m really sorry about all of this. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m sorry if you hate this vacation,” Qrow sighed, feeling utterly drained. He heard the rustling of sheets.  
  
“Qrow, could you please turn around?” Qrow sighed again, and turned around, face to face with Ozpin. He blinked, surprised, to see Ozpin giving him a reassuring smile.  
  
“I’ve rather enjoyed my time with you. This vacation has definitely been a break from the usual boring, stale environment of my office, and brought great excitement to my life that didn’t include emergencies and bloodshed. Being culturally immersed into the hidden side of Mantle has been quite the learning experience, and quite frankly, I find our situation as a whole quite comical. While I understand Mr. Xiao Long’s booking was not your intention nor what you had in mind,” Ozpin paused, looking Qrow straight in the eye. “I have to say I’ve quite enjoyed myself so far for the most part.”   
  
“So…” Qrow hesitated, his mind slowly catching up. “You don’t hate the room then? You don’t regret coming on this trip?” Ozpin laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners.  
  
“No, I don’t hate the room,” the white haired man replied after he caught his breath. “While this turn of events was certainly unexpected, I don’t regret coming. Like I said, it certainly hasn’t been boring. On the contrary, it’s been rather entertaining,” the older man chuckled some more, and Qrow found himself smiling. “I’m touched that you would even consider taking this boring old man-” Qrow snorted. “-on vacation during Christmas when you could have spent time with Mr. Xiao Long and your beloved nieces-”  
  
“Yeah, well,” Qrow blushed, as he turned on his back, thankful for the darkness in their bedroom. “Tai wanted to take the kids to see their grandparents for Christmas this year. I’m not really related to that side, so I just stepped out of that picture. You know, don’t want to be a burden.”  
  
“You could never be a burden,” Ozpin chastised, and Qrow’s heart started getting that sickening, light feeling again, “and you could have asked someone else to go with you this weekend, like Shiro, Ivy, or even Farrow. I’m honored that you asked me. Thank you, my dear friend.”  
  
Qrow’s face felt really hot now, and even his stomach was starting to feel awfully funny. He turned over so his back was facing Ozpin again.  
  
“Like I would have picked anyone else,” Qrow grumbled, face unmistakingly red now. “Goodnight Oz.”  
  
“Goodnight Qrow,” Ozpin replied tenderly. Qrow closed his eyes, willed his heart to calm down, counted to three thousand, seven hundred fourty-two, and finally went to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks everyone for reading! I appreciate your patience as I finish writing chapters two and three. I hope you’re all enjoying it thus far and that I’m doing this story justice. I know nothing about anything, just do my own online research.
> 
> Also, I like to write alternative scenes and make terrible commentary, so if you’d like to read an alternative scene that didn’t make it into the chapter or a scene that just would never happen, please check out my comment in the comment section below. 
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading. <3


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